Harley asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am a 22 year old female. I met my dad only a couple of times when I was younger, he decided to walk away from me when I was 6. I have had no contact since with him or his side of the family. I recently received a voicemail from who should have been my granddad- he is very sick and asking to see me- saying he is very sorry and he loves me, he lives locally and I'm not sure as to whether I should go and see him? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you
Hi Harley,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If the issue is with your dad, then perhaps you could benefit from seeing your granddad as he many have had no involvement in why your father left you. He has gone out of his way to ask to see you so maybe he wants to say some things and spend some time with you before such times when he can’t.
It could open up old wounds for you- however- it may also be an opportunity for you to get some answers, make things clear in your mind and share your experiences with him.
If you decide not to go, you might be left always wondering what he wanted- maybe it would be worth going just for that reason alone. It may help you to close that chapter in your life.
Your granddad may not be responsible for your father’s behaviour and he might be able to shed some light on why your father left you. There could be great many reasons why he felt he was not equipped enough to be a dad and he may be able to fill in some of the blanks.
If you decide to go, then it might be worth asking someone to go with you, especially since you don't know him that well. That way they could be there after you leave to talk things through. You might feel emotional afterwards and need to deconstruct what happened. Maybe call upon your mum or a friend to tag along so you don’t have to bottle up how you feel and go through this alone.
It all depends how you think you might react to this- if your emotions are still very fragile regarding any of your father’s family, then it could do more worse than good, but if he tells you that he loves you and wants to see you, it sounds like he might want to meet up for the right reasons. Perhaps talk it through with someone close to you first so you can make an informed decision.
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