Maisie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I was with someone I lived with in first year at university but called it off because it was too serious for me too quickly. We have still lived in our student house for a year since then and to begin with he would drunkenly text me wanting to talk about us, after a few months this cooled down but it wasn't until he was seeing another girl over this summer that things had got easier between us and I was away all summer so didn't really see him that often. This September we all came back to university and he soon after broke it off with the girl and I feel like I am getting closer to him and having strong feelings for him again. I broke it off before knowing he was the right guy but it was the wrong time and I feel like I have blown it as he has probably moved on. I don't know what I should do! I don't want to ruin our friendship. Should I tell him how I feel or leave it as he has probably got past it?
Hi Maisie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you don’t ask him if he wants to get back together with you again you may always be left wondering what could have been. If you feel that you need to know sooner rather than later then perhaps tell him about these thoughts and how you feel closer to him again.
It sounds like he might have tried to move on as he has dated someone else, however, if he broke it off with her then maybe that is a sign that he was not over you. That does not mean to say that he wants to be in a relationship with you again, but just that he needs more time to digest what has happened before being in a couple again.
You have gone back to being friends again after a break up so there is no saying that you can’t do this again if his feelings are not reciprocated.
Perhaps your feelings for him are stronger because you felt jealous when he got with someone else and so you would rather have him than have to deal with him dating anyone else. The reason you broke up is not one of incompatibility as a couple but more the situation- so it may feel like it was left open ended and there is still some unfinished business for you both.
You say your feelings got easier with him when he was with the other woman, so perhaps him dating her was a way of stopping either of you thinking about the alternative. This might have made your friendship easier if neither of you was prepared to cross the line and start and affair.
I you do feel close to him then it should make things a little easier to talk more openly and honestly to him about things. Your previous relationship should not be a taboo subject- if it was not right, then you can both learn from it and apply it to future relationships with each other or other people.
Why is now the right time? You mention that he was the 'right guy the wrong time before'- what has changed? If you want to tell him how you feel I would suggest being armed with a reason so that neither of you gets hurt.
tagged in University Friendship yin and yang agony aunt
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