Neil asks :
Hi Lucy,
My girlfriend of 4 months recently broke up with me because she didn't have the time to get over her ex who she was with for 6 years as she waited 2 weeks before entering a relationship with me. Whilst in the break up process she said there is a chance of use us getting back together once she has resolved her inner conflict, however since the break-up we have been talking like nothing ever happened but she still wants to be friends because we get on so well and were friends before we dated. I still want to date and I leave in 3 months, not seeing each other is hard as I have to see her at least once a week What can I do to help my chances of getting back together with her once she has resolved her conflict as I've read that distance is good but if I show I am adult enough to let her have her time whilst still acting the same as I did when we were dating then that will show her I still like her and let her have the time to go over everything in her head and will be accepting even if she doesn't want to date me afterwards. I am trying to get over her but with the communication not wavering it’s hard to, as if I still like her after 3 months I intend to tell her. What do I do?!? Thanks Neil
Hi Neil,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps you leaving has come at the best time- it forces you both to have a break from one another while she decides what she wants. It sounds like you might need to let her lead on this one as it is her conflict to resolve. There seems to be little you can do for her other than give her time.
If talking to her is becoming a problem- then you going away might naturally force you to talk less. You might find this easier if you feel like you are still speaking about all the things a couple would.
If you are willing to wait for her, then that in itself proves your love for her- however you have no idea how long it might take for her to do this. Are you willing to put things on hold romantically for yourself to find out if she wants to be a couple again? If so then you might need to be patient.
If she is not over her ex is there some unfinished business there? It might be worth asking her to be completely honest with you about the details of this. If she is looking to go back there, then where does that leave you?
You might find that once you are apart it's easier to get over her and think about moving on. You can still maintain a friendship- however it may help you to leave some topics out of your conversations that you know are only going to set you back at this point.
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