Chris Read asks :
My partner and I have a couple of good friends, the problem is their children. When we visit them for the evening the whole time is child oriented and as the children have got older, now 10 & 12, they are with the 4 adults until 9:30 or 10:00 at night. My partner and I do not have children and have made no bones about the fact that we do not like children, but still they are inflicted upon us to the extent that I no longer want to visit my friends. We have invited them to our house but they the wife will not leave the children with a babysitter. It has now reached the situation wherein I dread going to their house in case I fail to maintain my cool and say something out of turn. How do you tell you friends that you don't like their children and don't want to spend time with them?
Hi Chris,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is normal and natural to be preoccupied with your children from being very young right through to them being a little bit more independent. They are a huge part of a parent's life and will always be. If you don’t have children and don’t want them, then it can be easy not to have an appreciation of the intensity of how they feel about theirs.
Could you talk to them? Perhaps you don’t have to tell them that you don’t like their children, but maybe that you miss your couple’s time you had together just as four adults. If you miss being with them on their own then perhaps they miss it too. It could just be that they have not left their children in so long that they are a little afraid to do so.
Could she not leave the kids with a family member rather than a babysitter? This might make her feel a little more at ease leaving their home to come to yours?
It could be that even if you were alone, the conversation would still find its way to being about the children. Could this be a compromise on your part?
Maybe you are trying to hold onto to the way you used to be as friends and are feeling sad that you are no longer there anymore and they have moved to a different place.
It is normal for life to get in the way of what you know and love and perhaps this is a natural parting of ways for you and your friends in terms of what you used to do and the start of a new chapter.
Maybe you could suggest having something at yours as payback for all the times they have had you around? Or encourage them to go it alone so they can have a break from parenting duties? There are many ways you can try and persuade them to break away, however if they won’t, depending on your friendship, that you might have to be honest about not wanting their children to dominate your catch up time. If the tables were turned maybe they would not want to talk about one subject all the time with you either- you could argue that this is the same of you with them.
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