Starling asks :

Hi Lucy,

This is an odd situation; it's a terrible cliche but involves the in-laws. When my husband and I first got together I got on well with his sister. We weren't hang out buddies but there was never any problem. The friction started when I asked her to be my one and only bridesmaid (it was a small wedding) and well to be honest she didn't care less. I was happy for her to pick out her own dress but two weeks before the wedding my SIL hadn't even bothered, so I sent her dresses that I thought would suit her but it was a case of "nope" note: her taste is wearing extremely short skirts. Never really bothered me to be honest though. Anyway it was a week before the wedding and she still hadn't done anything, or helped my prepare for anything so I decide to get my brother to be the bridesmaid instead. Then she invites her own friends to the wedding, ones that hadn't been invited and lied to me and my husband about why they were at the reception afterwards....but I thought " no point in getting worked up, I was marrying my love so in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter" At this point I will mention that she also doesn’t like her other SIL. Anyway, after that things turned more and more sour, she blocked me on Facebook and my husband, my BIL and her other SIL which was fine but over time she has added every other one bar me. She started going out with someone who added my husband on Facebook and all the others bar me. I am not one for causing rifts and certainly don't want to get in the middle of anything. I just feel like I've been shut out, and the fact that she had to go out of her way to tell her new boyfriend not to add me proves that she has a problem with me. She's the youngest of 4 siblings and the only female in the family. I know her siblings aren't impressed with her behaviour of recent years and what looks like favouritism shown from her parents. My last thing is that I will add I don't really want to be friends on Facebook with her or her boyfriend, just that this is a really odd situation that I have no clue how to deal with for the sake of my husband and his family.

Hi Starling,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If there are any issues with a member of your partner's family, perhaps leave it alone. You could mention it to your partner, however will it do any good him talking to her about it? If you kick up a fuss over this then it could create a divide between your partner and his family. She might be looking for a rise out of you over this if you speak to her directly- so perhaps try to focus on your new marriage rather than dwell on her as it sounds like she has not gone out of her way for you.

You have already said you think her siblings recognise that she is difficult, so likely her disinterest in your wedding has not gone unnoticed. If there is favouritism between her and her siblings from their parents then maybe she is just attention seeking to get noticed by them all. Or could it be that she was a little jealous that you were getting married and she wasn't?

If you didn't want to be her friend on Facebook then perhaps her blocking you is a blessing. Now you can post without the worry of her watching your every move and you don't have to know what she is up to either.

Maybe it's a case of being civil with her and knowing that when you ask her to do anything for you that she might let you down. You could class the wedding as a learning curve not to ask her for help with anything important in future. Like you say- you have married your love and really that is all that matters now. Perhaps just keep your head down and let her be the one to come to you if she wants to apologise.


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