Z asks :

Hi Lucy,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. I love him but we haven’t had sex in about 8 months because I can’t get in the mood anymore. (I’m 21) my sex drive is dead ....and it’s not him, like everyone will have their celebrity crush for example I was attracted to Johnny Depp but I’m not even bothered about that- I’m attracted to nothing and I don’t know what to do :(. I don’t think he will wait forever.

Hi Z,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Loss of libido in women can be caused by many things, so it may be worth having a think as to whether you are experiencing any of the following in your life that might be impacting on your sex drive.

Relationship problems can be a factor- if you were having problems before the 8 months gap, then this could be why you no longer feel like having sex. Or it could be a product of the lack of sex, making it a vicious cycle. That said, relationships should not be solely built on sex so if your boyfriend prioritizes this over everything else, then he may not be the one for you.

Are you stressed, anxious or exhausted? All of these can reduce the amount of energy you have spare at the end of a day for sex. If this is persistent then it may be worth talking to your doctor to help find a solution for your fatigue.

If you are feeling generally unhappy, then you could be suffering from depression and a supressed mood can interfere with your everyday life, which of course includes your sex life. Again your doctor might be able to offer you a referral to a counsellor to help you explore your feelings.

Are you on the pill or any other form of contraception that you changed around this time? If so then it might be worth going back to your doctor and asking for an alternative. The pill and other contraception have many side effects which include reduced libido, so perhaps another would suit you better.

If you are afraid to lose your boyfriend then it might be worth talking to him about it. Reassure him that you love him and that you want to get your sex life back on track. If you work together to find some solutions then you will both playing an active roll in having a satisfying sex life again. If you do it alone then you might not have the same motivation. 


by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
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