Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have just started dating a guy. The problem is - I have this uncontrollable paranoia about what other people think of him. I really like the guy - he's kind, funny, sweet, lovely, open about his feelings - everything I've never had with anyone else. But the problem is - he isn't what you would call attractive. Don't get me wrong - I find him attractive physically, I wouldn't sleep with him if I didn't. But what I worry about is what others might say. For example, "god what is she doing with him?" I feel like I don't want to tell my friends in case they are mean and if they are I will feel wounded on behalf of my boyfriend and then it would damage my friendships which are important and to me. Why does the opinion of my friends and family matter so much? What if I ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me because I'm so concerned about what other people think?
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
You might be concerned about what they think of your new boyfriend because you are looking for a reason not to let yourself be vulnerable. If you use other people as an excuse for not pursuing the relationship then you could potentially be protecting yourself from hurt if things don’t go well.
Like you say, this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you, so perhaps just see how things go. If you find him attractive that is all that really matters. Couples get together all the time despite of a physical imperfection or two. If your friends pass comment over something like this then perhaps you need to ask yourself if they are truly your friends. Are they just preoccupied with appearances and do you want to be associated with people like this?
Generally the older we get, the less other people’s opinions of what we do with our lives matter, for appearances don’t count as much as they once did. It’s more about the relationships and connections you have with people that are more important.
Perhaps invite him to a night with your friends and let them see the side of him that you have come to be attracted to. Chances are if his personality shines through they won’t dwell on his attractiveness too much- which after all is down to personal preference anyway.
tagged in Friends dating yin and yang agony aunt
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