Jo asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am 32, single male and have been single for 9 years (I think). I've had the occasional fling but nothing serious and I go months without meeting anyone. I work 45 hour weeks so it is hard to get out there. What makes it worse is when you see all these people around you having kids and getting married yet I'm still stuck in the same situation! I have recently tried online dating but to be honest I am not really getting any messages and it's not looking very promising. I have been told I am pretty good looking so I do sometimes wonder is it something I'm doing wrong - maybe trying too hard as I have recently started studying real social dynamics and pick up artists. Hope you can help somehow, Jo
Hi Jo,
Agony Aunts on Female First
I would suggest giving the online dating thing another go, perhaps you have not got the reception you wanted or quickly enough- so it may need a bit more time to instill your faith back in it.
Have you taken a look at your profile lately? If you are good looking, then people should be interested in you regardless- perhaps you have put too much detail in your information section and not left enough to the imagination. The more you put on there the more people make pre-judgements about you which can sometimes work against you no matter how good you look on your picture.
Is there anyone on your course that has captured your interest? Perhaps you could start talking to them- go out for a coffee or offer to have study sessions together to get to know someone a bit better.
Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself to keep up with your friends around you. It may be that they have got married and have kids; however you still have all that to look forward to, so try not to see it as a bad thing.
Could you spare the time for a hobby? A few hours a week doing something you love that is also sociable? This could help you meet new people and also allow you to bond over a common ground.
Perhaps you could try going on one of the nights that are arranged by your online dating provider- a lot of them organise singles’ evenings so you can meet other people like yourself but they give you the chance to talk face to face rather than over the internet.
Perhaps you just need to stop comparing yourself so much to other people and start enjoying the dating process rather than seeing it as a means to an end. If you are keen to find someone just to keep up with those around you- then often others can sense this eagerness to push forward and that can be off-putting. Even if you don’t meet the one right away, there is nothing wrong with extending your social circle. The more comfortable you are talking with strangers, the easier you will feel when you do meet the person who will become more than that.
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