P asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm 21 and I've been in a relationship with my partner for just under two years. We moved in together after the first year and have been living together for around 8 months. When he first asked me to move in with him I told him I was worried it might be too soon but he reassured me and so I agreed. We get on well the majority of the time but sometimes I feel like we've become very samy. Whether it’s the pressure of paying rent/bills, cleaning, cooking etc. I'm not sure. He also really dislikes me using my phone or browsing on Facebook (he says only when we are watching films but it seems like anytime in general) Almost definitely though, every time I go out with friends for a night something goes wrong. He will drink because he says it distracts him from worrying about me. When I arrive back home there is always and argument and we've had several breakups. It sounds petty but the fights are pretty brutal. One minute he is asking me to get a mortgage with him the next I'm being kicked out of 'our' flat. At the moment I am at my mothers and he is asking for me to come home but I'm worried that if I move back in we'll just carry on until the next big fight. I do love him but I am very unsure on whether we are right for each other and whether we should give things another try or cut our losses now. Any advice and thoughts would be much appreciated. Thanks.
Hi P,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you were not sure about this whole thing to begin with then maybe it’s time to listen to your gut. If you feel deep down that it’s not right then you might be doing yourself a favour if you go your separate ways. If it doesn’t sit well with you now than it might never.
It sounds like he is a jealous person who seeks your attention all the time, hence the issues when you go out with your friends. Maybe he has been hurt in the past and finds it difficult to trust you. Perhaps he is also unsure about your relationship and maybe thought moving in together would fix whatever problems you have.
It seems that he likes to have the control in the relationship over when you use your phone- when you see your friends and when he wants you to leave your joint home. Perhaps he is just not coping with sharing the responsibility and the decision making if he is generally more comfortable choosing things on his own terms.
If you have had several break ups then maybe you are not equipped to fix them if you are not meant to be.
Hopefully this time with your mum will give you some thinking space to figure out what you want. If you really love him then perhaps setting some ground rules might help if you both want to make this work so the relationship is more equal. If there have been no boundaries set yet, then this could be why he keeps crossing the line because he doesn’t know where it is. Perhaps the relationship needs you to be stronger and stand up for what you want to move forward so there is a balance of power.
If you are not 100% on this then a mortgage might be the worst idea. If you get tied to him financially, then it could make it harder to leave if you decide that you are not meant for each other.
tagged in Partner Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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