Rebecca asks :

Hi Lucy,

I've been with my partner 15 months. We knew each other from school days. I am 29 now and he is 32. We are looking to move in together and have done loads of stuff together. We have both been married before and both have 2 children each from our previous relationship. I love him very much; the problem is he doesn't love me. Do I stay with someone who doesn't love me?? And after 15 months together and he practically lives at mine, should there not be some love there by now??

Our Reply

Hi Rebecca,

People fall in love at different times- in couples this can be very awkward if it’s not around the same time for the person who has fallen first. Has he told you that he doesn’t love you or has he just not said it yet? If it is the latter, why are you so sure he won’t say it to you?

If you have both had marriages in the past and you both have children there might be some caution on his part to fall in love too quickly after being hurt once before.

Moving in together is a big step to take if you are not sure whether you can be in this relationship if there is no love on offer; now or ever. Have you talked to him about how much a mutually loving relationship means to you? If not then it might be wise to consider talking to him about this before you share a house. If you decide later down the line that you want to leave it could make things much harder.

Perhaps what you both have at the core is a very strong friendship and empathy for one another as you have both been through similar experiences. There is nothing to say if you did break up that you can’t still be there for each other just in another capacity.

You both have children to think about too, so it might be fair on them to decide what it is you both want form each other before you all move in together. 


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