Esha asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been seeing someone for 8 months. After 3 months he told me he loved me which came out the blue as I thought it was just a casual fling. As soon as I opened up and told him I loved him back he completely changed. He will go a fortnight without talking to me then other times he calls me constantly. He tells me he doesn’t want a girlfriend then he says he does want to be with me. He gets jealous of me talking to other men and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Should I hold on or walk away?
Hi Esha,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This does sound like a very confusing place to be when his behaviour is so inconsistent towards you.
Perhaps you could talk to him and ask him what he wants- if his back and forth behaviour is making you doubt the relationship you have then maybe you need to sit down and ask him where you actually stand.
Maybe you could ask him how he would feel if you were the one darting from one decision to another and see if that gives him a sense of perspective.
It could be that he is not intentionally trying to hurt your but that he is just unsure of his feelings. In which case, maybe you need to decide if he means enough to you to stick around and see where his decision lands or if you want to walk away and find someone who knows what they want now.
Relationships can be uncertain at the start, however if he feels he doesn’t know what he wants then perhaps he needs to stop and think before he leads you in one direction only to deviate to the opposite later.
Maybe you telling him that you loved him back made everything more real for him and he might have got scared of the commitment, hence why he went back on what he said. Whatever the reason- perhaps you just need to be honest with one another or you could find yourself find a vicious cycle.
tagged in yin and yang agony aunt
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