Devastated asks :
Hi Lucy,
My husband lied to me (fairly stupid lie) but I have a massive issue with lying due to childhood issues and subsequent issues through life so I cannot tolerate it. It has caused a massive row and now I don't think we can continue. It's not the first time he's done it but before we ever got together he was very aware of this non-negotiable. What do I do? He's destroyed everything!
Hi Devastated,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If this is not the first time he has done it- why is this time different?
Perhaps you could enrol in some relationship counselling to explore why he lied to you and why you have taken it so hard in this instance.
Could it be that he was thinking of your best interests? Or that it would cause you less stress if you didn’t know about the truth? There could be many reasons why he withheld the truth so perhaps it’s worth talking through these before writing off your marriage altogether.
If you have had childhood issues surrounding lies and throughout your life, then this might make you even more sensitive to when it happens at home, however the lies you were told in the past might have had a different context to now and potentially told by people who were not as close to you as your husband.
If you have rowed about it then it sounds like you have not had chance to sit down and calmly talk about this- it could do some good if you choose to reflect on what’s happened and give each other the space for both of you to tell your sides of the story.
tagged in Husband yin and yang agony aunt
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