Harriet asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've recently finished work in a good job to go back to study. In my job I worked very closely with another member of staff who did a very similar job toe. He was a very attractive guy, but has a long term partner and two young kids, so never even went there. About a year and a half in my job we were both promoted within the company. We went on a Christmas night out shortly after finding out and on that night we both had way too much to drink and kissed. I stopped him from going any further. Work was very awkward for a few weeks after, and he began some serious flirting. I was very flattered but felt it was clearly my role to think for both of us in terms I how silly we had been. In the last months running up to me leaving I ended up working as part of a team which he was managing. After I while I thought that we were back on an even keel; as in friendly, flirty and good work colleagues. All very innocent and generally making work a bit of a laugh when things got a bit stressful. I would have considered him a friend, and we spoke on more than one occasion about his kids, and his relationship. He said if things were different he wouldn't have chosen to stay with his partner, but does as he feels this is a choice he has now made. On my last day everything was fine, but then later on in the evening things escalated again and we slept together. He wants me to keep in contact with him, and practically begged me to email him as soon as possible. What do I do!?
Hi Harriet,
Agony Aunts on Female First
I think this all boils down to what type of relationship you want. He has already admitted to you that being with his partner 'is the choice he has now made', so he may never leave her for you even if that is what he wants because he feels an obligation to stay with his family.
If you are happy to be the 'other woman' then this relationship could work, however if you didn't go there at first because of his partner and two kids, then this might suggest that you don't want to be in a three way relationship.
Perhaps you have changed your mind on this- I don't know- so it may be worth asking yourself what you want before deciding where to go from here.
If he is so dissatisfied with his partner and has found some happiness with you then he may change his mind from what he said before if his feelings have got stronger for you.
Are you willing to see him while not knowing whether it will ever amount to more? Or do you want commitment from your partner? Once you make your decision it might be worth talking to him and telling him what you want from this arrangement and if it doesn't suit then it could be that you need to walk away. If it does then you might need to be patient as he has a lot riding on this, so he may need time before he disrupts his family life to be with you.
tagged in Kick Ass Partner yin and yang agony aunt
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