Amy asks :
Dear Lucy,
Me and my boyfriend use to be so in love. To the point where we openly said we wanted to spend the rest of our loves with each other. We lived 3 hours apart but it did work. After a while, in only what I can describe, I became obsessed with him. It led to me being very jealous and paranoid. This started to push him away. After a while I found myself going through his phone. We eventually broke up. And when we gave it another shot, he cheated on me. After weeks of crying we kept meeting up and knew we still had something between us. He has become cold and really wants to push me away. Last week I spent another night with him and it was perfect. The following morning I was in a serious car accident. Being in hospital and very hurt I thought this night spark him to care and realise what we have. It has gone the opposite way he isn't really interested in asking how I am. And just tells me we should cut each other off. He even didn't ask how my results were one day as he was 'busy' but I later found out that he went out with friends and kissed another girl whilst I'm laid in hospital. Being very emotional and still in hospital, I feel cutting each other off would be pointless after my major incident. But no matter how much he breaks my heart with the fact that he isn't bothered about me in hospital. I can't seem to let go. Why do you advise?
Hi Amy,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Partners should be there during the good and bad so maybe if he has not shown any interest in seeing you while you have been ill, then perhaps he doesn’t care about you as much as you feel you need. He has suggested that you cut all ties while you are bedbound, so it sounds like he is only a fair-weather boyfriend.
Jealously and paranoia can be common in long distance relationships because it is potentially easier for people to stray without the other person’s knowledge. That said, if the pressure was too much, he could have talked to you instead of cheating. And it seems he has repeated this behaviour again when you were dabbling with getting back together so perhaps if you did make another go of things trust would be a huge issue to overcome.
If he is only showing an interest when you are ‘staying over’ then maybe it’s just about sex. If he keeps pushing you away unless it involves an overnight stay, then maybe its sign that he is only interested in one thing from you now.
Times like these are a great eye opener for people- if the other person is not there to offer support when things go sour, then it’s usually an indicator that they only do something for you when they want a favour in return.
It might be time to look for someone who is there for the rough and the smooth and who is there because they care about you, not because there is something in it for them afterwards.
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