Sad and worried asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I don't know what to do, I feel I've been cheated; my boyfriend has no sex drive and is impotent. We have only been together 8 months but he allowed me to fall in love with him before being honest with me. I feel as though I'm being selfish but I am only 53 and he is 55. He says it’s common in men his age. I was hoping to be having a healthy sex life for at least another 30 years! He is under the doctor but seems to accept that things will not get much better. He is everything I could ask for in every other department. It’s got to the stage now that it’s all I can think about and every time I mention anything it leads to a row. Help ;-(

 

Hi Sad and worried,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

I would suggest, if you are finding it difficult to talk to each other about this, that you seek some relationship counselling like Relate. It just might help you to put the time aside to focus on this aspect in your relationship and allow each other to share your feelings and consider each other's point of view without the rowing.

Impotence can be frustrating for both parties as it is taking away the very thing that defines your romantic relationship.

If he is seeing a doctor, then it sounds like he wants to take action over this issue, however it is not just a physical complaint sometimes there are a lot of psychological elements wrapped up in it too. Maybe if he is willing to tackle one side of this problem, he might be open to discussing other ways to help you regain your sex life again.

There are also some more holistic approaches that might be worth looking into as well- perhaps search for some natural cures to impotence on the web and see what you could try- however always buy from a reputable source and seek advice first from your partner's doctor.

If he is everything you could ask for in every other way, then it might be worth looking for another avenue to improve this side of things.


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