Ray asks :

Hi Lucy,

I'm in a new relationship (less than a month) and struggling with the fact that my partner looks so young compared to me. I'm only 2 years older but the age gap looks like at least 7-10years. What should I do?

Hi Ray,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

It all depends how much you care about his person. If you see a future and want to be with them then this sounds like something you are going to have to work on so you don’t feel so uncomfortable all the time.

A lot of people have this age gap, so it’s not unusual, nor is it something to be ashamed of, even if it were a reality. Is the issue that it makes you feel worse about your own appearance or is it that you worry what people will think?

If it’s the latter, then as long as you can learn how to dismiss any negative comments, any further potential taunts can quickly lose momentum with the right response. People will always find things to gossip about, however they only do this to take the focus off the issues in their own life. It’s not even worth listening to because it says more about them than it does you.  

If it is the first, then perhaps you could talk to your partner about your low self-esteem, if that is what’s bothering you. If it is not an issue for them, then hopefully this will filter over to you too and you might start to see yourself through your partner’s eyes. A lot of this is about your own journey to self-acceptance, however it helps if your partner is reassuring and tells you often that they are still attracted to you.

You talk about how 'it looks'- which might suggest you are pre-occupied with what others perceive to be true. The fact is there are two years between you and as long as you are happy together then the rest of the world should be jealous not judgemental.

Lucy has worked as a volunteer for Mind and The Samaritans and was a mentor at the University of Central Lancashire in her third year. She has just completed her Level 2 Counselling Concepts Course at Warrington Collegiate.

 


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