KSM asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am having a bit of a life crisis. I feel like I have wasted my life for the last 5 years. I was married at 23 and it failed (I am now 27). I then had another failed relationship. After both I have had to go home with my folks. I have periodically moved to London but always got into debt and so had to come home. I just feel like a complete failure at life. While so many around me are married, buying houses and making a success of everything, I am back off to my parents again after not being able to pay my bills. I just want to be a success and to own my own place or do something amazing with my life, but I feel like it is all a big screw up.
Hi KSM,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Everyone has periods in their life they regret, however it's important to explore through those feelings and look for the positive things that came from it.
Perhaps now you now have a clearer picture of what you want from a relationship and what you don't. Breaks ups are not necessarily about failures, but more so about learning curves. You likely know what doesn't work for you in a romantic relationship and what does now. Better to have a divorce under your belt than a looming one. Or be in a bad relationship waiting for the right time to separate. That is all behind you now and you can have a fresh start.
If you compare yourself to others you will always be disappointed because there is always someone the same age as you who appears to have more. What we fail to see is what is going on behind closed doors. The people in your life may have houses and children and partners- but are they happy? The presumption is that they are- but perhaps not. They may envy a life without the same level of responsibility they have now. The point is- the grass is not necessarily greener- try to work with what you do have rather than look for what you feel you lack.
I would suggest focusing on yourself and what YOU want, forget about what your friends are doing. Make a list of things you want to accomplish and work through them one at a time. Trying to get everything at once is an impossible task, so be kind to yourself and be systematic. If you want to move out from your parent's house, then take a close look at your finances and see where you can make cut backs. Be honest with yourself and your spending habits and try to establish where you spend most of your money. Once you have a firm grasp of this then you should be able to budget and save.
You are not a failure- you have simply taken another path- not a bad one- just a different one. There is nothing wrong with breaking away from the mould- in fact it makes you interesting.
tagged in married
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