Tam Tam asks :

Dear Lucy,

I had a crush on my boyfriend’s best friend for a long time then I got over it last year when he got married. I don't mess with married men however he started to give me signs that he likes me. Recently he drove up to my area and we talked very briefly. I was shell shocked to see him so just chatted really fast about random stuff then said I had to go and rushed off. Did he come on purpose to see me or was it like he said because of his job? Am so confused help!!

Hi Tam Tam,       

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Perhaps if you have a personal belief that you should not 'mess with married men' then leave this one alone. It might be that he was simply in the same area and likes to talk to you about stuff.

It is always flattering if you know someone else likes you even while in a relationship, so perhaps he is enjoying having an admirer in you if you are obvious about your feelings. Some men and women like the flirtation without any intention of acting on it. If that is the way you have always interacted with one another then maybe he enjoys the banter.

If you were able to get over him once then you could do it again if you put your mind to it.

You could tell him how you feel, however you don’t know for definite if he sees you that way back, plus there are the two complications that he is married now and you have a boyfriend. Perhaps try to invest your time in shaping things up with your boyfriend or find someone else to divert your affections towards. If he does become single in the future then maybe that’s your time to pursue. By then you might not be interested. 


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