Luke asks :
Hello Lucy,
I understand this is prominently a website for women but felt it was a good place to ask regarding the problem. Me and my girlfriend have been together for around 3 months. It recently came to light that a group of girls that I used to be friends with took to their existing Facebook group chat to 'bitch' about me and my girlfriend. I have not spoken to any of these girls for about 2 months. Why do they feel the need to be so critical. I did regard these girls as my friends. They have been extremely harsh. Some of them don't even know who my girlfriend is and still feel the need to slag me and her off. The ones that do know her have no hatred towards her but decided to be extremely harsh. Could I ask why they might be doing this?
Hi Luke,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It can be hard in a large group of friends when one of its members gets a new romance. In the endless pursuit to find ‘the one’, women can get a little jealous when their friends have boyfriends and they don’t. Similarly, they can also find it difficult when one of the male members of their group finds a partner who is an outsider. They may feel that they have put in the time with him to be deserving of a chance to be with him first.
For a lot of women it’s instinctive to find a partner and it can be hard to fight this. Some women feel the pressure to find a partner, even more so when their friends have, it can make them look inwardly and ask themselves why they haven’t found someone yet.
If they don’t know a lot about her it can make room for assumptions and they might fill in the blanks with negative things to fuel their argument more.
I would suggest if you know of this happening that you try to understand why they are doing it first and see the picture as a whole. The message is, it's more about them than it is about you and your partner. But I would also say that these people are not your friends if they can’t be happy for you when you are.
All this is doing is putting a dampener on a time when you might be feeling quite positive about your personal life.
Girls can be ‘bitchy’ when they come together- there is nothing that binds people like a common dislike of someone else. If the other women in the group like your girlfriend but are joining in with the comments, they are likely doing it so they are not the ones who are left out or targeted.
If they can’t find it in them to defend a friend they ‘like’ then perhaps they are people to also leave behind. On occasions like this you really do find out who is there for you and who isn’t and perhaps you needed this to happen to remove the negative and critical people from your life and invite in ones who can enjoy your new found happiness along with you.
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