Kimberly asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and we've never had that 'honeymoon period' at the beginning of the relationship. When we first met, we didn't sleep with each other for 6 months. Once it happened I was expecting a bit of a spark. I thought we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands to ourselves- but nothing. 

It was roughly another 6 weeks or so before we slept with each other again. Since then it has just been once in a while. I am always the first one to make a move. I feel like I've tried everything. I've talked to him and asked if there's anything we can do to make it more enjoyable but he says he already enjoys it exactly the way we have been doing it. I've asked if there is something wrong with me and he says I'm perfect the way I am. 

I've asked if he would mind making a bit more effort to which he says ‘yes’ to. It ends up being a one off and then it goes back to me being the first one to make the move. It's been nearly 2 years and still no improvement. I've reminded him about making a bit more effort to be the first one to make a move but he just says he's tired all the time. Please help! Thanks

 

Hi Kimberly,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Perhaps the honeymoon period didn't happen for you because you waited so long to have sex. By that time you may have been so comfortable with one another that the nerves simply disappeared when you took the next step.

It sounds like you have tried to do as much as you can on your own- maybe it's time to seek the help of a sex counsellor to discuss the issues you've been having. If your partner can't grasp the importance of it now, maybe this will prompt him to pay closer attention to it.

It seems that he is happy with the regularity and the quality of your sex life, but you aren't so you both need to work on finding a happy medium.

Have you asked him why he's so tired all the time? Perhaps there is something medically that is affecting his energy levels. It might be worth looking into this to rule out anything that's going on behind the scenes.

Some people have very low sex drives- if you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner, are you prepared to have an infrequent sex life if counselling doesn't work? You may need to find other ways to satisfy your higher sex drive, such as with regular masturbation. Do you feel you are you compatible enough in other areas to make up for the lack of sex?

If regular sex is something that's important to you- are you willing to sacrifice it to stay with him?


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