Lindsay asks :

Hi Lucy,

My boyfriend always wants sex. It seems like all we do is sleep together. While the sex is amazing, it would be nice to do other things, how do I control it?

Hi Lindsay,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

I think it’s less about control and more about communication here, as control could imply that you are attempting something he doesn't know about.

It’s great that you have a good sex life with your partner, often it’s the other way around. If it is ‘amazing’ then it sounds like you have mastered this part of your relationship and perhaps it’s now time to focus on the other areas.

A relationship is not all about sex, although this sets you apart from being just friends- it’s also important that you can spend time together too and enjoy it.

Perhaps suggest on going out instead of staying in as it can be inevitable to end up in the bedroom rather than doing anything else or after watching a dvd together for instance.

A meal out, the cinema or a walk- anything that avoids the bedroom so you can get used to spending time doing other things. When the sex wears off, which it likely will, you might find you have nothing else left, so it’s important to work on these other things while you still have time.

It might help to talk to him about it first. Perhaps reinforce that the sex is good but that you want a more rounded relationship too. If you are in it for the long term, then maybe try to savour your sex sessions rather than trying to cram them all in at the beginning or you might have nothing left to explore the longer you are together.

He might interpret it in a negative way- i.e. that you don’t enjoy the intimate time you have together, so it might be worth telling him how much you enjoy it and that he is doing nothing wrong, that it’s just a matter of getting some balance to your partnership. 


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