Ieva asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have a boyfriend of 11 months now but I can't help feeling like I don't want to be with him anymore. I love him and he's been there for me for a lot but it's occurred to me that little things he does really get on my nerves. And I have a friend whom I've been getting closer to and he's the only person I want to speak to at the moment, not my boyfriend. I'm so confused.
Yin says:
Agony Aunts on Female First
Hi Ieva,
When the honeymoon period so over, the rose tinted glasses come off and the critical eye starts to kick in, relationships are not as perfect as they appeared at first. It’s whether you can accept these things that ‘get on your nerves’ or not or if you think they will become too much to bear later down the line.
Perhaps your friend is more tolerable in the areas that are irritating you about your boyfriend right now and that is why you are more drawn to him. Perhaps he is just a friend and he is a good person to talk to- it might be nothing more than that.
However if you are thinking about leaving your boyfriend for him it might be worth asking the question of if he wants a relationship if you were to suddenly become single or you could find yourself with no one.
Are you willing to address these problems with your boyfriend and ask if he can change? Or are they things that he will never grow out of?
Good commutation in a relationship is very important and if you don’t want to talk to him about anything then perhaps that is an indicator that you are not emotionally compatible.
If you truly love him then maybe you could try and talk to him and give him a chance to change or perhaps you could find it in yourself to learn to live with these things.
Yang says:
Hi Ieva,
If you don’t have any big commitments with this man then it might be that your relationship has just run its course.
Does it boil down to the fact that he doesn’t make you feel good anymore? If not then maybe this is something you should approach him about and that is why you could be gravitating towards people who do make you feel good.
Are the niggles about your lack of control suddenly? Maybe you had order in your life before him and he is more haphazard in his way of approaching things and the way he lives. Maybe you find it difficult to understand his way of conducting his life and the impact it has on yours.
What are the things that get on your nerves? They might be big things but they could also be a number of little things that have built up-try to remember that everyone is human and we all do things that are annoying to other people. The point is in the bigger picture do they really matter all that much? Have you thought about the things that you might do that get on his nerves?
Perhaps try to focus on the good things he does for you rather than the bad all that time, often these outweigh the niggles, when you have been together longer and your priorities change.
tagged in friend boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
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