Shelly asks :
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend never makes time for me. He claims he loves me and i have been so supportive, more than his ex's and how much it means for me to be in his life. His best friend and his girlfriend are going on holiday. And now he wants to go with them too. He always makes up excuses that he can't see me due to money issues, yet he is willing to go on holiday with his best friend and his GIRLFRIEND. Am really hurt by this.
Hi Shelly,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Relationships are about what you say and what you do not just one or the other, so if he tells you he loves you and that you mean a lot to him perhaps you need to talk to him about letting his actions back up his words.
If he has money to go on holiday then it is arguable the he might have money to come a see you- maybe you could talk to him about how this looks form your point of view. He does want you to go with them, so it doesn’t sound like he is trying to escape you, however he must have some spare money if he can afford to put some to one side to pay for the holiday. If you do decide to go, there may also be some time for you to be alone- if you are worried that you will spend the entire time as a foursome.
If he struggles with money then perhaps talk to him about budgeting and how you can help if you are a saver and good with money management. Maybe he doesn’t see the areas where he could cut back in order to see you more. If he values the support you have given him already then this might be another way to give him some more.
If he has not had a lot of support from his exes in the past then maybe he is hesitant to put his all into this relationship until later down the line. If it’s early days then the trust might still be developing between you both.
If you ask him how he might feel if the roles were reversed then perhaps he will see it more easily from your point of view and work with you to solve the issue.
Perhaps he has been saving up for both of you and that is why he has no money- you won't know the full extent of it until you talk to him. It may be a better situation than you think and if not – talking is one of the greatest tools you both have to be able to worth through this bump in the road.
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