Upset asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have a friend who has recently been treating me like a possession. She is currently has counselling for depression and potential bipolar disorder and I try to show support for her and be there for her but it often feels like she is using it as an excuse. Recently she has been sending messages to my partner blaming him for her problems and claiming he has stolen me from her. It feels like she is trying to create a fight between her and him over me when I am happy to spend time with them both separately and together. I find a lot of her behaviour selfish and unfair and it feels like she is using me to gain the attention of others. I don't want to lose her as a friend and I know she is fragile at the moment but I don't know how to act around her and I could just do with some input on the situation. Thank you! X
Hi Upset,
Agony Aunts on Female First
People with depression can be so absorbed by their condition that they fail see the bigger picture and how they are affecting those around them.
Perhaps the messages to your partner are a product of being jealous of your happiness and your relationship. If she is suffering right now she might see your life as being better than hers and envy it. It is human nature to want people to be on the same page- there is nothing that bonds two people more than a sad situation or a common problem. She could see you as the only thing in her life she feels she has control over.
Perhaps divide your time between her and your partner- if bringing them together is only going to cause upset then it might be worth seeing her on her own until she is better. You could ask her to delete your boyfriend’s number- if she has yours perhaps she doesn’t need his too and this might stop her from sending inappropriate messages.
If she is in counselling then maybe right now she is a bit confused and all her emotions are up in the air. Counselling is an exploration and if she working through something that is particularly difficult right now then maybe she is taking her reaction to it out on you.
It sounds like you perhaps need to separate your personal life from when you see her. Hopefully your friendship will become a bit more bearable the more counselling she receives and the more sense she makes of where her depression has stemmed from.
tagged in depression friend yin and yang agony aunt
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