Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
My partner of 5 years has started to complain about us not having a physical relationship. He complains when I need sleep even though I am constantly running about after the young family we have and trying to keep the house running. This morning I have had silent treatment as I fell asleep without fulfilling his needs. This was at 2.45am; I had been up from 5.15 the previous morning. Is this a form of emotional abuse or am I over reacting?
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Having a young family is always going to be a time of adjustment for any couple. A mother often assumes the role of the primary caregiver and so all of her energy is taken up by her children. If this is happening here, which it sounds like it is, then perhaps he is just a little jealous that there is no time or energy left for him. This isn’t necessarily intentional, just the way things have fallen.
Could you ask him for some help with the children to give you time to recoup your energy? Perhaps if looking after your children was shared a little more then maybe you won’t feel as stretched.
It’s important not only to recognise your role as parents but also the responsibility you have to each other too. Try not to forget that you are also a couple. Perhaps you could arrange a date night where your kids are looked after by a friend or family member to give you some well needed alone time. That way you can look forward to it rather than seeing sex as something that is an obligation.
If he is giving you the silent treatment then perhaps ask him to sit down with you and discuss this like adults- nothing will ever get fixed by not talking to one another. You could perhaps ask him to be more considerate of what time you have been up since and how tired you are. You could try to work out an agreed time or day that you allow yourselves to be partners rather than just parents.
From getting all of a partner’s attention to much less can affect a man’s confidence and make them feel unwanted. Sex is how they interpret love from their partner so by having none; maybe he feels that you don’t love him anymore. Maybe reassure him that you do still love him but that you need to work out a system so you are not spreading yourself too thinly.
tagged in Family Partner Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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