Fran asks :
Hi Lucy,
Me and my boyfriend have split up over a month ago but it’s still like we are together. We still do all the same stuff together, see each other and sometimes text; but he doesn't want to get back with me. He says he likes it how it is now and doesn't want to change it. I don't know if it because he is scared to commit again but doesn't want to let go or if he just using me- please help.
Hi Fran,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If he wants all the same perks of being with you, just not the exclusivity, then he could well be using you. If you still have sex, then he may be using it as a way to see other people without it being technically wrong if he finds monogamy or commitment difficult. If you are still in a physical relationship then you are not really friends, but something more.
He may not be ready to let you go yet, however if he genuinely wants to be single then you may need to spend some time apart so it feels like you have broken up and can start to go through the process.
Perhaps you have not grieved the loss of each other yet, maybe you need to figure out if you want to be single or look for someone else, you could need some time apart to get to know yourself again. If you do decide to remain close friends but find other people to be with, then it may cause difficulties with new partners if they can't understand your situation. Maybe you need to talk about what it is you are or no other partner with have chance of grasping the relationship you have and may even feel threatened by it.
If he finds commitment a challenge and you don't then perhaps breaking up was the best thing to do- it may take him a few more relationship until he feels he is ready to settle down. If you were to get back together, you may be caught in a vicious circle of always getting hurt while he decides what he wants.
Maybe you could take some time out and think about what you want from a relationship and a friendship. If this is arrangement does not suit, then perhaps some time apart would help you to revaluate whether he is good or bad for you in the long term.
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