Margaret asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been separated now for 4 years after being married for 25 years. I have met someone new but feel I can’t be free to love my new partner. It’s frustrating because it’s as if I need to hide away. Please help. Thank you.
Hi Margaret,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It will feel strange to let another person in. You might feel like you are cheating on your ex if this is the first relationship since you're separation. This may also be mixed with feelings of uncertainty over whether you can trust another partner.
What do you feel is holding you back? Is it the newness? The fear of the unknown? Feeling vulnerable? All of these are natural and normal, but will take time and patience for you to become accustomed to. With the right support, eventually, you should be able to let the past lie and feel more confident when considering a future with someone new.
I would suggest that you talk to your new partner about these feelings so they know where you're at. After four years they may assume that you are ready to love again, however if you're not then at least they will know that it may take some more time. That you will get there but for now- you are still feeling conflicted.
Hiding away might only make you more frightened to let your guard down with someone again. If your partner is willing, it might be better to try and work through this with them. If they are prepared to do this, then it could mean they are serious about the relationship and you. Waiting is a hard game to play, however if it's for the right person, its well worth it. If they see the potential in your pairing, they will stick around. Everyone deserves to love again if their first relationship wasn't the right fit- it sounds like you just need to allow yourself to believe in second chances.
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