Kim asks :
Hi Lucy,
I need help regarding friendship. Me and my friend have been friends for 10 years and we've always been good drinking buddies and more. I've helped him through a lot hard decisions in his life events but in the last two years since having my daughter, he seems to be cutting me out, not making effort to meet up or invite me out and showing very little interest when we do meet up. I tried a number of times to discuss with him and he says is we are growing apart because we have different lives and trying to place the blame on both of us. However that isn't the case as I always make all the effort to meet up and arrange things but nothing comes back from him. I try to tell him this and he says we just live different lives and is quite happy just to let the relationship go and doesn't seem that bothered about this but I can't get him to understand how much it is hurting me as I thought we were good friends, I don't know how to handle this. He has other friends with kids and has no problems with them.
Hi Kim,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps he relied on you heavily when he was going through these problems you speak of. You have not said that he was a support for you in hard times, so perhaps the friendship was all about him and less about your needs.
Now you have child perhaps your attention has shifted more towards your daughter than his needs and he is a little jealous. Maybe you spent a lot of time together and now your priorities have shifted you have seen less of each other and he doesn’t feel that closeness anymore and has lost the incentive to try.
Some people only value their friendship with another person when it’s all consuming-maybe he can’t make the shift from being a close friend who sees you all the time to one that has had to take step back now your life includes another person.
If he has other friends with children then maybe he isn’t as close to them as he was to you so he has taken the hit harder.
It sounds like you have told him how you feel- so perhaps ask him if he wants to have this friendship anymore, if you think that he doesn’t. At least that way you can find out if you are wasting your time and whether it's worth making the effort. It will hurt after being friends for so long but if he is unwilling to meet you half way then perhaps this situation has shown him for his true colours.
tagged in Friendship friend daughter yin and yang agony aunt
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