D asks :

Hi Lucy,

Me and my boyfriend are in the midst of having a big argument (on his part in not arguing) over text it’s been on-going for 6 hours now. Last night my boyfriend said he woke up suddenly, and I was leaning out the bedroom window smoking and on my mobile. He said we spoke and that I was being secretive towards my phone and being grouchy towards him. This is the strangest part; I have no recollection of this happening, but as weird as it sounds, he’s adamant I’m lying and that I’m up to something but i genuinely have no clue the events took place. I’m in a pickle; i don’t know how you can advise me on this, think i just needed to tell someone, what would you do? Thankyou

Hi D,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you have no recollection of this happening then maybe he was dreaming it and thought it was real. If he feels insecure in the relationship then his worries could be coming out when he is asleep as they not do if they are not dealt with when a person is awake.

If you genuinely have done nothing to arouse his suspicion then all you can keep doing is defending your corner. This may have brought up an issue that you need to address. It sounds like he might have an issue with trusting you- so perhaps you could talk to him about why that might be. It could be that you are unintentionally doing something that is making him feel worried about your relationship. If so that would be the time to bring it up and discuss it.

If you don’t argue back then in time he might come to realise that there is nothing to defend on your part. Perhaps you could show him your phone to prove to him that there is nothing to be concerned about and ask for his trust.

Has he been hurt in the past through a cheating ex-partner? It could be that he is always wary of it happening again- especially if you are only a new couple.

If he is jealous at heart- this is more his issue than yours- so perhaps you could try to avoid ambiguous situations with other men so he won’t jump to conclusions.

Every couple has arguments but if this one doesn’t seem to go away then perhaps some relationship counselling would help you both to communicate better with one another over this issue. 


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