Laila asks :

Dear Lucy,

I have a skin disorder called Becker's Nevus, which is spread across the left part of my chest. Thankfully, mine is not hairy (as this is one of the symptoms) but the skin is patchy and a totally different colour to the rest of my skin. In fact, I have a whole host of other skin conditions including acne, stretch marks, uneven skin tone and scars- and they are all very noticeable. I feel as though no man will ever accept me and I feel too self-conscious to wear many types of clothes that I would love to wear. I feel so different to others that I genuinely consider myself to be abnormal, simply because I have so many obvious imperfections. Sometimes I feel as though I'm shallow and try to focus on beauty from within, but I just really want to feel confident in my exterior as well as interior self, and I genuinely feel as though my bad skin is weighing down on my self-confidence, a lot. Thank you for your time.

Hi Laila,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Perhaps try not to think of them as imperfections but as differences. Everyone has differences it just so happens that some of yours are on show.

If you feel that you are being shallow, then you might project these feelings onto any man that shows an interest and encourage him to feel this way about them too. If you show that you are not overcome by these markings then other people will likely be at ease with them too. Perhaps start to wear clothes that show a little of your skin, and slowly work your way up to wearing things that show you- differences and all and hopefully it will become less of a taboo for you and the norm.

Most people suffer from acne and any woman who says they don’t have stretch marks is either very lucky or withholding the truth. Women’s bodies go through changes which result in them showing, on the outside their physical journey.

If a man is fazed by something like this then he is not worth your time- he is just looking at a part of you and not the whole picture. A real man will be able to see them as the something that makes you distinctive, rather than like a copy of everyone else.

There are many others who have this too- so perhaps you could join a forum and discuss your worries with other like mined people and ask them how they feel about themselves now. They might have some tips for you to get your confidence back on track. It might be better to focus on how you feel about yourself before looking for a relationship- ideally- you need to love yourself before you can someone else.

You have already admitted that the condition could be worse- so perhaps try to focus on that- for you it has not reached its most extreme nad is perhaps more manageable than some.

There are some very clever new make ups on the market too that cover up markings such as dark tattoos for instance- check with your doctor first to avoid the possibility of irritation- but something like this could perhaps help you to feel a bit more confident while you are out and about. 


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