Sara asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been married for 8 years. I have 2 kids. Me and my husband don't have any physical intimacy at all. Every time I initiate it he usually snubs me away. I don’t even remember when we last kissed and it has come to a point that it has started to bother me. As far as I know men want sex more than women and him not wanting it is troubling. Please help!!!
Hi Sara,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Men naturally lose their sex drive as they get older as their levels of testosterone decline, so their sexual cravings differ from when they were in their twenties to when they hit their thirties. These low levels can cause fatigue, depression and a reduced libido. It is thought by many women that men want sex all the time, when it's often not the case. Do either of the above sound familiar? Could he be depressed? Has he been stressed or overly tired lately?
It sounds like you have tried to initiate sex; however you haven't mentioned talking to your husband. It might be time to start a conversation about how you can work together to ignite your sex life again. Sex is as much about communication as it is about the physical side, so that might help at first.
If you can't remember the last time you kissed then that might be another stepping stone- catch him off guard with a really good kiss. Our bodies can forget how good sex feels, but with a little trigger such as this, it might help him to remember the times when your sex life was at its peak.
All couples should begin their day with a kiss goodbye and a kiss hello on their return from work. It takes seconds but can really help with feelings of intimacy and can lead to more given the right moves.
Could there be other relationship problems in the background that are causing this? If you have other issues going on, then this could also be affecting his desire for sex. If you do feel there are areas that could be worked upon, then Relate offer relationship counselling to try and help with this. Or if you feel you are struggling to talk about your sex life with your partner, and then they also offer counselling specifically catered for this too.
Whatever you decide- it seems that having that exchange might be the ideal place to begin your journey. If he has no idea how much this is impacting you then he may have no incentive to do anything about it.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.