Chi Mi asks :
Hi Lucy,
There is no room for discussion in our relationship of 16-17 years. I am afraid to voice any opinion about his behaviour, because it leads to huge arguments and fights. I support myself and my personal expenses. I have two children. I don't know what to do. I feel lonely in this relationship. Because of his overpowering position in society this has led me to be a lonely life.
Hi Chi Mi,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you feel you have no say in your conversations about his behaviour then maybe enrol in some counselling. It might need an outside perspective to let him see that he is not giving you a chance to tell your side of things and allow you to talk in a more controlled environment where you get a say.
If he has an important role in society then family life can be difficult, maybe he finds it hard to come out of his work mind-set and into one that’s appropriate for his family if he brings his work home with him.
If this has been going on for so long then it will take time to make changes, if he is willing to. This is a well formed habit so you might need to be patient as he makes efforts to be more considerate, if indeed that is what he decides.
Have you told him how lonely you feel? Maybe if he knew how this was all affecting you he might make more of an effort to be different.
How do you address him about his behaviour? Maybe if you are feeling defensive you could angry when you talk to him about it? Maybe you are both tackling this issue at the wrong time and in an ineffective way. Perhaps it’s best to consider it when your are both calm and can have a constructive conversation rather than a destructive one.
Could you take some time off together to have a break from work and your children to figure out what your plan should be? It might be that you need some space away from your other responsibilities to clear your heads and find some space for each other again.
tagged in children Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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