Sarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I want to go away and work abroad for a few months. My boyfriend works on the oil rigs and is away for three weeks home for three. This has made me want to go explore instead of waiting on him coming home. But he has reacted badly and says if I leave to go away he with break up with me. I don't want this; I just want him to support me as I love him very much. We have been together for 6 years and I don't want to ruin that. Can you help?
Hi Sarah,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you have had to be patient where his job is concerned; his hours might have put a huge strain on your relationship as it stands.
It is understandable that you don’t want your life to be just a continuous waiting game for him to come home and that you want to do something else with your time.
Perhaps he has reacted badly because he knows that you will see even less of each other if he is feeling distanced from you as it is.
This might have been a knee jerk reaction, so maybe sit down with him and talk to him about how things are from your point of view and the options you will have in terms of seeing each other if you were to up and leave.
Maybe he has not considered that there are ways to keep in touch and meet up more regularly than he thinks and that you can still make the relationship work if you both put in the effort. It's only as you say for a few months not forever- so perhaps you can cope if it's not long term.
All that said, after 6 years if he is threatening to leave you because you want to have new experiences and progress your career prospects; it begs the question how much he wants your dreams to come true for you. The arrangement you have now might work for him but if it’s not for you then the relationship is not functioning to keep you both happy.
Partners should support your aspirations not knock them on the head before you have even discussed them.
tagged in boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.