James asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am a 20 male and my boyfriend of nearly 2 year still hasn’t told his dad we are together and he is attracted to men as well as women. His dad knows of me and that we went on holiday together. It’s really starting to get me down. Any advice?
Hi James,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is understandable that you might feel down at your partner not being honest with his father. Often in this situation, it is tempting to look inwardly and start to believe it is something to do with you or your relationship with your partner. Chances are it is less about you and more about your partner's relationship with his father. He may want to tell him but feel he can't for fear of judgement or rejection.
If this is the case then encouraging him to be honest before he is ready might hurt your relationship as well as the one with his father. He may fear losing you both.
If you have been on holiday together, his father might have realised the situation, but feels he can't ask.
Perhaps talk to your partner about the concerns he has in telling his father and discuss all the outcomes, good and bad. Maybe explore how you could tell him together? This act of solidarity might give him the confidence to move forward and make his father see how serious you are together.
It sounds like you may need to be patient with this one. If you push him too hard then he may resent you if it goes wrong. If you assure him that you will be there for him when he decides to tell his father the truth, then this might be all you can do right now. He will likely do it when it feels most comfortable for him, which might take time.
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