Sue asks :
Hi Lucy,
I wonder if you could give me advice please. My fiancé has children from a previous relationship. He has them Saturday 5 pm until Sunday 8.30pm. Sometimes he has them all weekend. We don't live together. I feel like I am waiting around to fill in the blanks when he has spare time. This weekend he had them the whole weekend. They were naughty and he pandered to them. They interrupt when I am talking to him and he stops talking to me and talks to them. It is not much fun- his whole personality changes. I asked him if he could take them back at six on Sunday and he refused. I said we needed some time but he would not. He told me he is working next Saturday morning so I will see him for a couple of hours in the afternoon without the children and that's the extent of my exciting weekend. If I make my own plans I will never get to spend any quality time with him. He does not plan for me and him and I am annoyed that he cares so little and yet he says he adores me. What do I do and say? Thank you
Hi Sue,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps your time could be on week nights. If there is no wiggle room at weekends then maybe you could spend Monday to Friday nights together.
Or could you talk to him about changing the arrangement he has with his ex to give him the odd weekend off? If you are missing some quality time with him, chances are he is too- so maybe he will think it’s a good idea to alternate weekends and look after them in the week instead.
The time he spends with them will be precious if he doesn’t see them during the week, so that is likely why he was reluctant to take them home earlier.
If he says he ‘adores you’ but feel he isn’t showing you how much then maybe talk to him about how the way he acts around them is making you feel.
Maybe you could arrange some family days out at weekends so you are getting to do something exciting but you are also giving yourselves some bonding time. It could be that you are seeing his children as a barrier right now, however if you all go somewhere together you might find that you have some time to yourselves if the children are occupied with something new. Maybe if you begin to integrate yourself with them all rather than just him, it might help your relationship.
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