HurtingWelshMan asks :
Hi Lucy,
I don't know how to describe the problems I'm having in my relationship at the moment but ill try.. Me and my partner have been together for 2 and a half years now and we are now expecting our first child together. The first year we were together was great, we used to cuddle up and watch films most nights and talk to each other a lot. Things changed about 2 years in she stopped talking to me about anything, she tries to avoid all confrontation, anything from talking about problems to our intimate moments. She avoids everything. She does not like to cuddle up in the nights because she wants 'space' and I don’t know where it comes from. It was never like this, before she used to fall asleep cuddled into my chest and I'd wake up in the morning and she would still be there. I am not sure what has changed. We had a problem a year into the relationship, she cheated on me with one of my friends from back in school.. I did not want to leave it at the time, so we talked and dealt with it and we decided to try again. I have not been unfaithful or I don’t think I’ve been a bad boyfriend. I need to communicate with her in our relationship but I cannot get through to her. Do you have any suggestions ?
Our Reply
Hi Hurting Welsh Man,
Perhaps she is still dealing with the guilt of cheating on you and it’s making it hard for her to talk about because she might anticipate you getting angry or upset.She could still be haunted by the memories of what happened.
If you have been understanding and a good boyfriend then this can sometimes make it harder to let go. Usually in instances like this there is a break up or a huge row and it sounds like you have avoided this on both counts.
She perhaps doesn’t feel like she has redeemed herself enough for her infidelity and so is not allowing herself to enjoy any of the things you used until she feels she has sacrificed enough couply things with you. It sounds like you want to move on and just get back to the way things were but maybe she can’t let herself just yet.
Perhaps suggest some relationship counselling to her if you have found trying to talk to her on your own difficult. If you are expecting a baby then it sounds like you need to get back on track before its born as you will be faced with many more responsibilities and challenges once it comes. Your relationship issues might then be put on the back burner for the sake of your child and never tackled again or looked at when they are long overdue.
tagged in Child Partner Lucy Walton Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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