Lauren asks :
Hi Lucy,
So the story starts I met a guy on a night out around March, we kissed and exchanged numbers I've been seeing him ever since. He’s disclosed that he has a long term partner whom he lives with alongside his 15 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I'm so upset at the fact his going home to someone else yet I continue to arrange dates and have this guy call me every night. He works away hence how he is able to do this and sees me and his partner once every three weeks. Now here’s where I put a spanner in the works, I'm 19, his 35, a mature 19 year old but never the less 19. I've fallen for him, I shouldn't have because he’s 35 but I really can't seem to stop my self seeing him. His also putting a plan into place to leave her but wants everything in place before hand to make the move as painless as possible for his daughter. I just don't know what to do his so funny and makes me feel good and I do truly believe he isn't happy in his relationship and will leave. Sorry if that was long winded. Lauren x
Hi Lauren,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Maybe you could take a back seat in the relationship until you know that he has everything in place back home? Being in the centre of a break up might be too much for you both to handle while trying to maintain your relationship too.
You say this is underway so maybe you won’t have to wait that long until he is single again. You also say that is ‘not happy in his relationship’ and ‘will leave’- so this could be inevitable- however he has a lot to sacrifice so he may take his time over this. Are you willing to wait?
If you are only seeing him very three weeks- do you really know him? If he is cheating on his partner with you- can you be confident that he won’t do the same to you? That said, if he calls you every night then that could be an indication that he wants to maintain what you have now- but to what end?
Maybe if your experiences of relationships are quite different, then perhaps you have formed a greater attachment to him because he might be one of the first men to ‘make you feel good’. This is his third relationship at least so maybe getting women to 'feel good' is well practised for him. If he is ‘funny’ and ‘makes you feel good’ these are all really positive things, however do you trust him and do you feel confident in your relationship if he were to leave his partner?
tagged in Partner Relationship daughter yin and yang agony aunt kissed
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.