Unlikely Heroes
Gave the kids their breakfast before getting ready for the school run,
The plumber came to fix the washing machine and had the cheek to pinch my bum.
Reversed my 4X4 out of the drive to get some groceries at the local supermarket,
Became distracted by someone I knew and scratched the car while trying to park it.
Later met up for lunch with Harriett, Hyacinth, Jessica and Jane,
They’d heard a rumour I was having an affair with a local builder called Wayne.
Husband Howard works late most nights and its no secret he finds it tough,
An annual six figure sum with bonuses but the noughts on the end are hardly enough
I’m lucky in the fact that Howard is a reliable sort, some would say a bit of a dream,
But Wayne knows to press all the right buttons with a passion that makes me scream.
While we bang away into the early hours, the neighbours in turn bang away on the walls,
Until our passion reaches fever pitch like someone pulling the plug on Niagara Falls.
I pop down to the dry cleaners to pick up my Howard’s suit,
He’s just been given another promotion complete with company car and a lot more loot.
He’s boss has invited us over to his house for a dinner party so I need to look my best
But if past experiences are anything to go by he’ll just stare impassively at my chest.
The hostesses bring more wine as the men discuss how to invest their stocks and shares,
But as long as I don’t have to compromise my lifestyle I couldn’t really care less.
I think I’ll try that new coffee house on the High Street and touch base with the girls,
Then its on to the West End with Howard’s credit card and buy myself some pearls.
Howard suggested booking a week’s holiday in Monte Carlo because it looks so nice,
But I’m not overly keen on the idea as this year we’ve already been twice.
Being a woman of leisure can be a tiresome occupation, in fact it can be a bit of a chore
You’d think spending my days being pampered would make me appreciate my life more.
I do my bit for charity, though some say it’s not nearly enough,
But who am I to feel guilty that the working class are finding it tough?
I pull out all the stops in an effort to get Howard in the mood for some titillating fun
But just as things start to get interesting he’s asleep before he even gives me one.
Check out my interview with Ronald Finn on Unlikely Heroes