Don't get swindled! Red flags you shouldn't ignore when dating, by author Verity Ellis

14 February 2022

Verity Ellis writes an exclusive piece for Female First

No one said dating was easy.

What should be a fun, freeing, and exciting adventure can often feel like a mystifying ocean of ghosting, games, and you guessed it - red flags.

Yep - I’m talking about those crimson tell-tale signs scattered around the dating landscape, which, if we get good at identifying, can empower us in our dating lives and allow us to attract healthy, positive experiences.

Here are some of my tips on how to become red-flag fluent with some crucial signs to spot:

Love bombing: excessive declarations of love, severe grandiosity through gestures and words, and essentially ‘too much too soon.’ I remember when a love-bomber held me up to the mirror and told me he saw me as the mother of his children a mere five days into dating, only to ghost me after sex. Remember - if it seems to good to be true, it probably is. Love-bombing tends to die out quickly and is often used as a cunning ploy by arch-manipulators to emotionally abuse women.

Long delays between texts (and I’m talking three to five business days): There are no excuses - when someone is genuinely interested in you, you’ll know. The right person will make it obvious through healthy communication and plans that they follow through on. Don’t waste time analysing the content of his WhatsApp messages with your housemates or send screenshots of your last conversation to the WhatsApp group trying to theorise his lack of contact! With the right person, communication will be easy, and above else - CONSISTENT.

Quick to badmouth their ex: The person in question may not be over their last relationship, clinging onto un-healed resentment from the past. Watch the red flag turn crimson when they label their ex ‘emotional’ or ‘crazy.’ Perhaps they were just intolerant of their partners needs, dismissing their (valid) emotions as ‘drama.’ In which case, what does that say about how they’ll react when you communicate your needs in the relationship?

Negging: Poking fun of you and putting you down regularly to make you second guess yourself. It’s another manipulation tactic used by men seeking an element of control. Stay aware!

Red-flags can be easy to ignore, especially when we feel an attraction. We get sucked-in, filled with dopamine and a refusal for our love bubble to burst. However, vigilance is crucial. We can still enjoy dating and have some amazing experiences - just don’t ignore the signs that are most probably hitting you right in the face. I’ve certainly experienced my fair share, which you can read all about in my book Men I Dated So You Don’t Have To.

Don’t be afraid of dating - just stay aware. Putting your knowledge into practice and developing your red-flag proficiency will help guide you to your perfect partner!