In an age when we’re positively inundated with literature and websites and podcasts and magazine articles on how to live your best life, hit your goals, and optimize your health, wealth and relationships, it can be really tough to discern which information is going to serve us and which information is going to distract us.
Get a F*cking Grip
Plus, a lot of the information we get is conflicting.
One week we’re told we need to be eating more meat. The next week, no meat at all.
One week we’re told that cardio exercise is good for us. The next week, it’s going to kill us.
Advice comes from everywhere. Doctors, athletes, television personalities, and now the “influencer” - typically a childless 20-something whose Instagram feed is drowning in pastels and macarons - all have prescriptions for us.
Everybody’s got advice to give, and nobody can agree on anything.
So when people find out that I’m a self-help author, they like to test my credentials and find out if I have a recipe for success.
Then, they ask me if I walk the talk. Any hint of hypocrisy and I’m toast.
They want to know if I wake up without an alarm clock to greet the day with yoga, meditation and positive affirmations.
And although that sounds great (if unrealistic) the reality is far more prosaic.
Like you, I’m woken up either by my dog or the kids, or both. They need feeding, exercise, attention and separating before something gets broken. I stub my toe on the corner of the bed, swear and think about going back to bed.
On the rare morning I get to lie in past six thirty, it’s because I wasn’t able to wrestle the kids to bed at a reasonable time the night before and they’ve slept in and risk missing the school bus.
People ask me what I eat for breakfast, hoping that I’ll recommend a nutrient-dense concoction of matcha powder, spirulina, yak’s butter and kombucha blossom.
But normally it’s just coffee. Coffee that goes cold. There might be leftovers from the kids’ breakfast. On a really bad day there might be leftovers from the dog’s bowl (although, to be fair, she does get to eat a lot of our leftovers. I’m not chowing down on Pedigree Chum.)
They want to know about journaling practice (I don’t have one), my manifestation practice (I don’t have one) and how many crystals I keep on my desk (not a single one, although I do have a stick of Blackpool rock, if that counts?)
A typical day for this typical self-help author includes the same amount of crap as your typical day. I lose things, get angry in traffic, forget to eat lunch and feel guilty, frequently, about how work keeps me away from my family and how my family keeps me away from work.
So at this time of year, when everybody’s giving you advice on how to live your best life, dress for success and make 2020 your best year yet, just remember this:
Even the self-help gurus have morning breath, bouts of self-doubt and unironed shirts. They’re as screwed up as you are. Celebrate your imperfections, don’t take anything too seriously, take responsibility for yourself and maybe don’t forget to take the bins out more than twice in a row.
You’re OK as you are. You rock.
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Matthew Kimberley is the author of Get A F*cking Grip, the self-help book for people who hate self help. Follow him on Instagram.