Most people believe in ghosts while some people are more prone than others to experiencing these pesky visitors. Aquarians for instance; these airy individuals just seem to magnet ghosts to themselves. Same with Scorpio-born people with their congenital attraction to all things occultic. However, some people born under favourable star signs, possess some serious Weapons of Ghost Destruction that ensure ghosts never invade their spaces. As an author of ghost stories with a life-long interest in ghosts and hauntings, I can now reveal the top 3 Star Signs that are practically immune to hauntings.

The Unclean

The Unclean

ARIES! People born under this war-like sign are courageous, confident, arrogant, aggressive, impatient, and passionate. They’re natural leaders, ruled by their heads and not by some silly superstitious nonsense like ghosts. With Mars, the planet of war and destruction as their ruling planet, Arians are brave and fearless. So, anything that comes in contact with them negatively, can expect to be annihilated, including ghosts. Aries element is Fire. Fire represents energy, which after all is what ghosts are – restless energy! Fire also destroys everything in its path, including ghosts. Natural hunters, Arians will soon have any howling ghosts fleeing from them instead of the other way round. So, while Jackie Chan karatees the ghosts away, Pharrell Williams soon drives them crazy with happiness and claps. As for Russell Crowe, he teaches them the dangers of messing with a badass Gladiator.

Capricorns are responsible, disciplined, self-controlled, condescending, unforgiving, and shamelessly materialistic. These guys are rooted in reality and won’t waste their energies on flimsy dreamlike stuff like ghosts. Ruled by Saturn, the most malevolent planet, these ruthless individuals can wreak misery on their fellow humanity and ghosts should they rouse their hate. Capricorn’s element is Earth, the very soil that buried the ghosts in the first place. So, beware you spectral rascals! Capricorns love money! Original social climbers, no ghosts will be permitted to disrupt their goal unless they’re wealthy and important ghosts, in which case they just might do business with them. That’s why Nicholas Cage could happily boast a haunted mansion, while Michelle Obama equally blanked out those notorious White House ghosts. Kate Middleton won’t allow any ghosts of the executed wives of Henry VIII to mar her royal gig, while LeBron James knows a thing or two about knocking out ghosts with those impressive basketball biceps.

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VIRGO! If you’re born under this sign, you can sleep easy in the most haunted castle because the ghosts are already aware of your dreadful reputation and will do everything to avoid you. Virgos are analytical, hardworking, kind, and practical. They’re everyone’s worst critics, criticising everything from how pale and untanned the ghosts look, to how disgusting they smell, so much so that any sensible ghost now knows better than to haunt a Virgo. I’m sure they’ve already announced the Virgo-Hazard on their Ghost Twitter site, with photos of every Virgo person plastered on their Ghost Instagram as a warning. Virgos hate rudeness and let’s face it, what can be ruder than some wretched ghost badging into your space uninvited? So, rude ghosts will soon find themselves evicted from a Virgo’s presence, assuming their ectoplasm is even noticed in the first place by this very practical individual. So, here’s a high-five to some of my wonderful fellow Virgos: Beyoncé, Keanu Reeves, and the late Sir Sean Connery, who sadly won’t be around anymore to show those irritating spooks that he’s licensed to kill them even if they’re already dead.

About the author: Dubbed the 'African Stephen King' and the 'Queen of African Horror,' Nuzo Onoh is a Nigerian-British Writer of horror fiction. She holds both a law degree and a Masters degree in Writing from The University of Warwick, England. Nuzo’s latest book, The Unclean, was published on Halloween 2020 and her novel, A Dance for The Dead, will be released in Spring 2021 by Hashtag Blak Publishers and is now available for pre-orders


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