Four years ago, I married myself in a cultural ceremony in Brighton. I chose a big public affair, with all the traditional elements of a wedding including a wedding dress, ring, celebrant and first dance.
Sophie Tanner
Why? Because I realised that self love was just as important as romantic love and I wanted to celebrate the realisation that I could be blissfully happy without another ‘half’ to complete me. In our culture, everyone applauds you when you announce you’re ‘in a relationship’ but you don’t get the same reaction when you decide to focus on your relationship with yourself. In fact, people treat you with unspoken sympathy when you’re single. Well, I decided it was time to rejoice in my wholeness – and what better way to celebrate self love than with a wedding?!
I took vows of commitment in front of my family and friends - to face my disappointments, embrace my dreams and to always be my own best friend – and I don’t regret it for a moment!
Being married to myself has been an amazing journey of self discovery. It’s a journey that will continue as long as I’m alive because, let’s face it, none of us will ever reach perfection – we’re a constant work in progress. For me, self love means a bit more than treating yourself to a warm bath and glass of wine. Here are just a few of the areas I try to focus on whenever I get a bit lost:
Awareness: I have learned to pay attention to what’s going on in my mind and body; to acknowledge why I may react to changes in my environment. After all, we’re always worrying about what everyone else thinks and feels but do we take enough time to consider our own deep-down response?
Acceptance: There are some things in life that are totally under our control and other things we cannot change. It’s helpful to be able to tell the difference between the two. And if we do make mistakes then self-flagellating about them too much is a waste of energy. The way I see it, if you’re at least trying to be a better person then you’re winning!
Compassion: I think that kindness begins with the self. If you are able to forgive yourself and treat yourself with the care of a parent then it can definitely help with your empathy for others.
Gratitude: Life can be so hectic and fast-paced, we’re always chasing the next big thing. I think it’s so important to try and focus on each moment and really want what you already have rather than having what you want.
In a serendipitous turn of events, marrying myself has also meant that I’ve been able to achieve one of my greatest dreams which is to write a novel. Reader, I Married Me is published in paperback on May 16th and is based loosely on my own experiences. It’s been an amazing opportunity to explore the many different layers to self love J
