Should you add sexting—sending or receiving sexually explicit messages—to your foreplay? Bestselling romance author Liv Arnold weighs up the pros and cons.
Author Liv Arnold
Ah, sexting—the modern-day equivalent of dropping a handkerchief, but with a much higher risk of going viral.
As an erotic romance author, my job is to craft steamy, seductive exchanges between characters. Sexting is the real-world version of that. But should you be indulging in this digital foreplay? Let’s weigh the pros and cons.
Reasons to Sext
1. Sext a Stranger
Sexting with a random person online: what could possibly go wrong—everyone on the internet has good intentions, right? Right?
2. Sexting is a Good Conversation Starter
It’s an excellent icebreaker for those awkward moments when meeting new people.
3. It Would Be a Crime Not to Share These Titties with the World
Sometimes, you just know your assets deserve appreciation. Consider it a public service—like fine art, but digital.
4. It’s a Love Language
Some people express love through acts of service. Others prefer words of affirmation. And then there are those who comment on your posts with eggplant emojis. In my novel Stepping Stone, my main characters, Jenna and Marco Kravitz, use sexting to reconnect:
She locked the bedroom door, climbed onto the bed, and flicked her mobile’s camera to face her. Raising her phone over her head, she adjusted her body, pinched her nipples until they hardened, and snapped a few shots. A nervous giggle caught at her throat. Before she lost her nerve, she hovered her finger over the best image and hit send.
Reasons Not to Sext
1. When Your Sexting Game is Strong, but Real Life is Hit or Miss
And now you actually have to deliver on the epic sexts you’ve sent. Good luck with that.
2. Sending to the Wrong Person
Nothing derails a career faster than realising you just sent “I want to do unspeakable things to you” to your boss, accountant, or—horrifically—your family group chat.
Or worse, the person you’re sexting might share your messages with the world. When Jenna Kravitz, my main character, tried online dating, she received an unsolicited dick pic. No one enjoys this.
A guy from the dating app Finding You swiped right and messaged:
I showed u mine. Show me urs. xxx
A picture accompanied the text—ginger pubes and all. Acid filled Jenna’s mouth. He was one of those men. His profile picture displayed a you’re welcome smirk and too much gel in his red hair.
Her response?
I’m concerned. The lump on your left testicle looks funny. Please see a doctor. I posted your photo and details on Finding You’s forum for a second opinion. You can thank me later.
3. Auto-Correct Betrayal
Even with autocorrect, people still misspell everything, and you sound like an idiot.
4. You Could Get Hit with the Ultimate Curveball Reply
Nothing kills the mood faster than sending a perfectly crafted, steamy message and getting a reply like, “K.” I will spend three weeks in a deep existential crisis questioning the meaning of life.
Before You Send That Eggplant Emoji…
If you’re going to sext, do it wisely. Maybe stick to people you trust, keep identifying details out of it, and for the love of autocorrect, triple-check before you send. And if all else fails, maybe just stick to old-fashioned flirting—you know, like avoiding eye contact in person while overanalysing their text responses. Or showing your undying affection the modern way: aggressively liking their Instagram posts from 2017, replying to their stories with a fire emoji, and pretending to “accidentally” send them a meme that just happens to be about soulmates.
Liv Arnold is a critically acclaimed author and internationally renowned sex advice expert who has featured on the covers of Playboy, FHM, and Grazia, among many others. Her books have garnered widespread acclaim from the media and from a string of New York Times bestselling authors.
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