Charlie Sheen went on a "suicide run" after being diagnosed with HIV.

Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen

The 50-year-old actor, who isn't entirely sure how he contracted the virus, says it felt like "a 'mule kick' to [his] soul" when doctors first informed him he had the disease four years ago after he sought help for a "debilitating three-day cluster-migraine-like headache" amid fears he had a brain tumour.

In a open letter published on the 'Today' show website following his tell-all interview with host Matt Lauer earlier today (17.11.15), the former 'Anger Management' star says he immediately went into a downward spiral even though he also began "rigorous and intensive treatment."

He wrote: "The personal disbelief, karmic confusion, shame and anger lead to a temporary yet abysmal descent into profound substance abuse and fathomless drinking. It was a suicide run. Problem was, I'd forgotten that I'm too tough for such a cowardly departure."

Charlie claims his "viral loads became undetectable" very quickly as a result of his medication and he is "kicking this disease's a**."

He wrote: "Even though I might have been trying to kill myself, one thing was radically evident: the disease was not."

The star paid blackmailers millions to keep his diagnosis a secret because he was "locked in a vacuum of fear."

But he added: "I'm claiming back my freedom. The scales of justice will swiftly and righteously re-balance themselves."

Charlie now wants to use his celebrity to help others and believes he can continue to lead a normal life.

He wrote: "In conclusion, I accept this condition not as a curse or scourge, but rather as an opportunity and a challenge. An opportunity to help others. A challenge to better myself.

"Every day, of every month, of every year, countless individuals go to work, man their stations, fulfill their professional obligations with a host of disabilities. Diseases, imperfections, hurdles, detours. These maladies range from lupus to cancer, from paralysis to blindness, from diabetes to obesity. 'Treated,' HIV is no different."

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