Jamie Dornan has never got over his mother's death.
The 'Fifty Shades Freed' star lost his mum Lorna to pancreatic cancer when he was just 16, now he is 35 years old he admits that the loss of his mother can still "smack me round the face", particularly now he is a parent himself.
Jamie - has four-year-old Dulcie and 23-month-old Phoebe with his songwriter wife Amelia Warner - told Northern Irish network UTV: "I think having two kids has an impact on that. So I think the impact it had on me is forever evolving and now watching my wife be a mother and both my sisters being mothers, and seeing the role a mother plays in young lives and then realising that, you know, I didn't have that for a section of my youth. It was a horrendous time in my life and you are never over it."
Jamie - who is globally famous because of his role as S&M-loving billionaire Christian Grey - tries to keep the memories of his mother alive by sharing stories about her with his daughters.
'The Fall' star's father Professor Jim Dornan - a prominent gynaecologist and obstetrician - has also battled cancer, but has helped instil a positive outlook in his son.
Jamie said: "Dad's had cancer, he's in remission from that. Basically every version of dad ends with positivity, that's all I can say, I mean he will turn every negative into a positive instantly."
The actor - who began his career as a Calvin Klein model after dropping out of university, where he had been studying marketing - revealed his spouse Amelia inspired him to pursue acting seriously.
Jamie said: "I don't want to be famous. I don't like the idea of fame, I didn't always want to be an actor. I did want to when I dropped out of uni."
He revealed he met his wife, who he calls Millie, at a party in Los Angeles in February 2010, and he called it an "epiphany moment".
Jamie said: "I knew the night I met her that I was going to marry her so I thought I just have to get a bit serious here and being serious to me wasn't to continue modelling."
And he tells his wife he loves 10 times a day.
Jamie said Millie is close Dakota Johnson, who plays his on-screen love interest Anastasia Steele in the 'Fifty Shades' movies, but admitted she had never watched any of the films.
He said: "I just don't know why you'd want to watch your husband simulate sex with someone else for, you know, 40 minutes out of an hour-and-a-half movie."