Britney Spears Instagram.

Eli Matthewson by Emma Brittenden

Eli Matthewson by Emma Brittenden

My flatmate and dear friend Alice Snedden (also performing at the Fringe! Go see her!) and she is addicted to Deep Heat and Tiger Balm and every time she uses it I love to smell it and say “Ooh, what scent is that? It’s beautiful!” as if it’s a perfume.

I once went on a date with this guy who was like “in the morning I’m going to make you and Omelette, and you are going to love my omelette” and then he preceded to make me one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever eaten - a gross, uncooked omelette, with about eight tablespoons of hummus in the middle. Disgusting at the time, funny in retrospect.

I took a yoga class and the instructor chose all the music and for some reason thought it would help during the meditation at the end to play the cover of Bryan Adams “Heaven” that has a girl talking about how her father died in 9/11 in the breaks. It wasn’t very zen.

I honestly think JK Rowling has ruined 11th birthdays for thousands of kids - it used to be a boring, nothing age and now all these kids are waiting to find out their wizards and then plunging into a deep depression when it doesn’t come true.

During the Australian Marriage Equality Debate a friend of mine put her border around her profile photo to support the Yes Campaign - but the photo she put the border around was a photo of her and her brother… so it looked like she was fighting for a very different kind of marriage quality. #VoteYes

My boyfriend’s friends and family have all told me I look like Lee Harvey-Ozwald recently - and I’ve never got that before - so I’m a bit worried that before we were together he was just telling people he wanted to find someone who looked like Lee.

This video:, so proud our small country of New Zealand could produce something so incredible. Shakespeare at its finest.

It makes me laugh when hot, mostly naked Instagram people try and do “relatable” captions to make themselves more appealing. I feel like I could have a business helping hot models write these.

I love how for years the whole world was fooled by X-Factor contestants who just sung pop songs slowed down in a kooky-jazz voice. I can do a perfect impression of it - you’ll have to come see my show to see it.

Eli Matthewson: The Year of Magical F*cking is at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe from 1st – 27th August