The Edinburgh Festival is an out of control artsy fabric monster that lands on Scotland every August and we the comedians of the world jump in trains, planes and automobiles to go and shake our cups for all the semi confused super excited tourists mixed in with an immense amount of jocks trying to pretend they are not stoked the festival is starting again. Now this is not some days for me this is literally how every day goes for me!

John Hastings

John Hastings

-Wake up late not treat yourself lie in late. I am talking junkie late. Shake sleep out of head. Look for coffee, find coffee, inject quickly. Begin thinking about going to the gym and shudder with thought.

-Brush teeth in the shower while showering. Remember I have an extra spot that is in about 11 minutes. Leap out of shower. Make Kale smoothie hoping to remain healthy. Run to extra show.

-Arrive at extra have an hour to wait. Begin thinking about that evenings hour show (this year is at 9.30 @The Pleasance) while waiting to get on stage.

-Do show exit flyer

-Think about the gym some more

-Run into friends. Say "hows your festival going loads" laugh play grab ass discuss who got drunk or who got laid or who tried to have sex with a beer can (a method that is shared between the genders and proves we are evolved from monkeys).

-Walk back into flat. Think about show. Stare at gym clothes as flat mates tell stories from the evening before suddenly get panicked about show or the kale shake has begun to kick in.

-Deal with emotions with a quick cry in the toilet and or get the kale out.

-Commit to going to the gym and instead go do three shows and eat an amazing amount of pizza for someone who is alone.

-Stress shower and then go to my show at 9.30 running the show in my head. Say hello to Ben Target who built my set and is my tech. Do a sound check with Paul Bryne my director.

-Think about cancelling the show.

-Show Happens it goes like fine I guess one person did not get it…but that always happens. LISTEN ITS A GOOD SHOW BUT PEOPLE YOU NEED SELF CRITICISM IS IMPORTANT!

  • After the show its time to tell jokes and be a jerk with friends ignore the gym. Eat a crepe. Do some late shows. Drink coffee at midnight go to Late N Live. Host Late N Live. Have an amazing time.
  • Walk around town until 5:00am sober waiting to feel tired fall asleep at 6am and then pass out

See John Hastings: Integrity at the Pleasance Courtyard 3rd-29th August, 9.30pm. For tickets visit