Being a new mum is like no other experience in life and I have learned a lot since my little girl has come along. If you have a new born- do any of these sound familiar?
Parenting on Female First
Sleep
The lack of sleep is like never ending jet lag. But unlike jet lag, you can’t catch up on your rest because you have a little person who needs you to be awake and poised at all times. There are no magic cures to getting your baby to sleep- as the author of Dummy, Matt Coyne states at the end of his chapter on sleep- ‘they don’t sleep- then they do’. It will happen eventually, but they will decide when. I was lucky that my daughter started sleeping through just two weeks before I went back to work. Maybe she sensed my desperation!
Friends
Your friends with kids will be a great support because they know what you are going through and can offer advice to help, their own horror stories to cheer you up and a shoulder to cry on if it’s all just a bit too much.
Your friends without kids may show initial interest, however this could waver later on. Don’t lose heart, they aren’t in that place yet and won’t understand until they are- so when that time comes- you will become close again.
Finally, there are the friends that surprise you- the ones without kids, who claim they don’t like kids who play the part of incredible aunties and uncles for your little one.
Family
Your family is your rock at this time and are willing to help in any way they can. Mums and dads have been through it all before, so they understand your feelings at each step of the way. Let them help as much as they are willing and talk to them when you are worried or down because chances are, they felt exactly the same as you at this time in their life.
Love
You love your partner; you love your family and you love your friends so you may think you know what all love looks like. But, the love you have for your child is very different. It’s a love that’s fiercely protective, resilient and unconditional regardless of how many times they throw up on you or wake you in the night.
Baby blues
It’s ok to feel sad. You have created a whole new person- which is incredible, but your body and mind needs time to catch up with your new life. You may feel low during this phase of readjustment, but it doesn’t mean that you are being ungrateful for your baby coming into the world or for your new role as a mum. It’s a huge life upheaval and any change that big requires a period of acceptance.
Comparisons
Although it’s incredibly hard to do, try not to compare yourself to other parents and your baby to other babies. You will set yourself up for failure. We and they are all different- what fits for one family doesn’t for another. Your baby will do things at their own pace. You don’t need the additional worry of turning it into a competition. Congratulate your mum friends for their successes and let them do the same for you when you reach each baby milestone.
Cherish your maternity leave
Nine months seems like a lifetime, especially when you are plodding through in a constant haze of exhaustion, but before you know it- it will all be over. You will be back at work wondering if you imagined the whole thing. Although it can be hard to see the positives when you are running on empty, appreciate the time you have with your baby. The closeness you share when they fall asleep on your chest, the warmth of their little body against yours and the smile they give you when they wake because they are so happy to be reunited with you. These are all moments to savour.
Washing
You may feel like you have a closer relationship with your washing machine and dryer than your partner during this time. With motherhood comes a ton of washing because your little person will go through several outfits, blankets and bibs in a day- so might you if you are in the firing line of projectile vomit or ‘poonamis’ as we now fondly call them in our house. Your lover needs to get used to the fact that your laundry is your bit on the side!