Although it’s sometimes the easiest way, forgiving and forgetting can actually lead your marriage to failure rather than success.
Relationships on Female First
James McNulty of Florida State University says that having a row can actually clear the air and lead to a long-lasting union.
He said, “I continued to find evidence that thoughts and behaviours presumed to be associated with better wellbeing lead to worse wellbeing among some people - usually the people who need the most help achieving wellbeing.”
After setting out to examine the costs of positive psychology, he found in multiple studies that forgiveness in marriage can have unintended negative effects.
“We all experience a time in a relationship in which a partner transgresses against us in some way, for example, a partner may be financially irresponsible, unfaithful, or unsupportive,” he said.
“When these events occur, we must decide whether we should be angry and hold onto that anger, or forgive.”
James found that there are many factors that can complicate the effectiveness of a relationship.
He said, “Believing a partner is forgiving leads agreeable people to be less likely to offend that partner and disagreeable people to be more likely to offend that partner.”
Anger can also benefit a relationship and it allows for the problem to be spoken about and fixed, rather than ignored or ‘forgotten’.
James said, “'If the partner can do something to resolve a problem that is likely to otherwise continue and negatively affect the relationship, people may experience long-term benefits by temporarily withholding forgiveness and expressing anger.”
He also admits that there is no magic fix and that often different couples have different ways of resolving their disagreements.
“The consequences of each decision we make in our relationships depends on the circumstances that surround that decision,” he said.
Do you find that arguing instead of keeping quite makes for a stronger relationship? Let us know by commenting below or tweeting us @FemaleFirst_UK.
Cara Mason
tagged in Marriage