A study by Thomas J Fudge's Remarkable Bakery has found that social media is wrecking friendships; because people are so addicted to it- it's replacing one to one interactions with our mates. Oxford University Professor Robin Dunbar offers his five top tips to make your friendships the best they can be!
Do stuff together!
Spend time together - face-to-face- There is nothing like getting a hug from your friend and watching their facial expressions to glean a better understanding of their mood to comfort them or enjoy their playfulness. It is an organic process that cannot be as satisfying if it's done over technology. They might really need you- but a text just doesn't convey their desire for support.
Robin Dunbar, commented:
"Cultivating your friendships is the most important thing you can do for your health and wellbeing, and the best way to do it is with something to eat. Sharing food together releases endorphins that help create feelings of intimacy.
"Recent research shows that the quality of friendship is directly related to how much time friends spend together. The less face-to-face contact friends have - sharing experiences, such as eating together - the weaker the bonds between them will be. Psychologically nothing can substitute for seeing someone face-to-face if you want to really maximise friendship quality.
Share secrets and intimacies- Friendships are about give and take. If you reveal something personal- they feel comfortable enough to do the same and you have a balanced unspoken trust. It helps people to realise that we are all the same and experience the same feelings and events a lot of the time- so there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
Do favours for each other- A lift to the hospital, looking after their pets or popping over to see them if they have had a bad time lately. Little gestures like this mean so much more than a text or emoji.
Share emotional experiences - dancing, singing, laughing, films, sports- You will always come away with a story to tell and you will remember it for the rest of your life. A recent story said that experiences are far better than material things- so rather than buy your friend something- take them out and do an activity together.
Share food together- Food out or in is a very social activity- you can compare notes on the food, but it will also encourage chatter about others things too related or unrelated. Eating out for instance, is generally a lengthier activity than say coffee, so it makes you want to put the world to rights rather than just catch up.
Professor Dunbar explains:
"The fact that humans need to spend time together to form and maintain successful friendships can be explained in evolutionary terms by looking at how monkeys and apes behave in social groups. The origins of human friendship lie in primate grooming which releases endorphins in the individual being groomed, so creating good-feeling and bonding. Our ancestors would have groomed each other in a similar way, but as we evolved and formed ever-larger social groupings, something else was needed to bond these bigger friendship groups.
"So what developed were alternative ways to interact that would release endorphins and create good feelings and social bonds with more and more people. These include laughing, dancing, singing, watching sport and eating together. It is vital that people keep their social networks well-oiled by meeting face-to-face at regular intervals."
tagged in Friendship